


Give Me Courage, Give Me Hope

by Cobrilee



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorced Shiro, Fix-It of Sorts, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 11:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17243552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cobrilee/pseuds/Cobrilee
Summary: “How does it feel to be a free man?” The question is loaded on several levels, not least of which is the fact that Shiro has faced “freedom” more times than the average human--but this is the first time the preceding captivity has been of his own making.He considers the question, taking it seriously as only he could when faced with such an obvious answer. “I’m glad that neither of us is tied to the other anymore. We were never right for each other, and I think we knew it all along. That’s what makes me happy. We’re both free to find the people we’re meant to be with.”Keith’s smile falters at that. Once upon a time, he’d hoped he was that person for Shiro. The hasty wedding, after less than two months of “dating”, was the crystal-clear message that he wasn’t, and would never be. If ten years wasn’t enough for Shiro to realize that he and Keith belonged together, no amount of time would spark the realization.





	Give Me Courage, Give Me Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I do want to make it clear that this fic was written first and foremost for myself, because this is what I needed to move past the utter WTAF that was the epilogue. I know that many people despise even the mention of Curtis and don't want fics with him in them at all, they want fics where he never existed. This is not the fic for you. Please do not read it and then yell at me for it. 
> 
> Secondly, I love and adore Shiro, and I recognize there's a valid complaint that people are blaming the character for the bullshit the writers put him through in season 8. I realize that Shiro was robbed and fucked over, and this fic is not intended to make him the bad guy. I just remember a bit where JDS and LM made a comment that essentially, Shiro excels in all areas of his life except for relationships, in which he does the exact opposite. So that was pretty much the mindset that I had when I was writing this. 
> 
> Thank you, as always, to the amazing and lovely [mad-madam-m](https://mad-madam-m.tumblr.com/) and [rhysiana](https://rhysiana.tumblr.com/) for your beta work. This fic improved so much with your help!

“Cheers.”  
  
Keith raises his glass with a small smile, and Shiro gives him a huge one in return while doing the same. The crystal makes a pinging sound as the rims of the glasses come together, and Shiro takes a long swallow from his. It makes Keith’s smile widen a fraction, to see him so happy again. Finally.   
  
“How does it feel to be a free man?” The question is loaded on several levels, not least of which is the fact that Shiro has faced “freedom” more times than the average human--but this is the first time the preceding captivity has been of his own making.  
  
He considers the question, taking it seriously as only he could when faced with such an obvious answer. “I’m glad that neither of us is tied to the other anymore. We were never right for each other, and I think we knew it all along. That’s what makes me happy. We’re both free to find the people we’re meant to be with.”  
  
Keith’s smile falters at that. Once upon a time, he’d hoped he was that person for Shiro. The hasty wedding, after less than two months of “dating”, was the crystal-clear message that he wasn’t, and would never be. If ten years wasn’t enough for Shiro to realize that he and Keith belonged together, no amount of time would spark the realization.   
  
Keith had taken it in stride, as he always tried to, these days at least. He’d hidden his bleeding soul behind smiles and congratulations and well-wishes, and neatly excised himself from Shiro’s life. The last thing he needed during his honeymoon year was a lovestruck best friend who couldn’t let go.  
  
Except the honeymoon hadn’t lasted a year. It had lasted about eight months before Shiro and Curtis both realized that the future they’d imagined together wasn’t the one that either wanted for himself. Hence the celebration over the finalization of the divorce.  
  
Shiro turns that glorious smile on him, and Keith curses himself as he finds himself falling prey to it, as he always has, as he always will. Even being abandoned for a man he’d only vaguely known isn’t enough for Keith to forget how much he has always loved Shiro. “Thank you for being here for me, Keith. I know we haven't been as close this past year, but there’s no one else I’d rather have by my side through this disaster.”  
  
Keith’s mouth tastes of blood, and he distantly realizes he’s gone Galra again. His teeth are sharper, and by the looks of Shiro’s wide eyes, his own must be yellow. “Where else would I be? As many times as it takes, remember?”  
  
Shiro’s caught off guard by the words, he can tell, and Keith’s torn between feeling vindictive and drowning in sorrow. ‘As many times as it takes’ has always been his devotion, and the words were--are--no less true for Shiro’s lack of reciprocity.   
  
“Of course I remember,” he says after a moment’s pause. “I’ve always been able to count on you, through everything. No matter what.”  
  
He won’t be bitter about it. He _won’t_. “You always will.” He shouldn’t say it, but it’s the truth. He’s not sure there’s anything Shiro can do to drive him away for good. “You ready for another drink?”  
  
So maybe it’s not the most ethical thing to try to get Shiro drunk, but they have multiple bottles of champagne for a reason, and Keith really needs to stop having this conversation.  
  
Shiro smiles again, Keith smiles back, and they drain their glasses. The bubbles tickle, but the important thing is now Shiro’s glass is empty, so Keith refills it, and they toast each other again.  
  
Fortunately for Keith, it’s only the first refill of many.  
  
\-----  
  
“You know what’s funny?” Shiro asks later, head tipped back on the couch and studying the ceiling. He’s not drunk, but he’s tipsy enough that Keith feels more relaxed. Their conversation is now much less likely to be fraught with emotion that Keith isn’t ready to deal with.  
  
“What’s funny?” he asks, following the prompt.   
  
Shiro snorts. “You know Nelson Mandela was in prison for twenty-seven years, and his marriage lasted that whole time? But then he got out of prison and two years later got a divorce. Nearly three decades of incarceration, and he couldn’t tolerate being married for more than a couple years.”  
  
“Are you comparing yourself to Nelson Mandela?” Keith teases, and Shiro snorts again. It’s annoyingly endearing, as is nearly everything else about the man.  
  
“Of course not. But, kind of? I was tortured and imprisoned for a long time, left for dead, had my arm amputated--twice--and survived all of it. I came out on the other side stronger than I’ve ever been. And my marriage lasted eight months. Eight. Months. Keith, what if I’m never meant to be happy?”  
  
The sudden sharp turn into dismay and panic startles Keith out of his own buzz. “What are you talking about, Shiro? You were just with the wrong person. It happens to most people. It doesn’t mean you won’t find the right person eventually.”  
  
“What if I already have?” he whispers, and Keith’s gaze narrows in on him. “What if I already missed out on the person I was meant to be with?”  
  
“Then he wasn’t the right person,” Keith says, and it’s sharper than he intends. Shiro tips his head to the side, and Keith wants to look away from the need in his eyes. “Anyone who wouldn’t wait for you isn’t worthy of you.”  
  
“Thank you.” Shiro's voice is soft, skittering across Keith’s skin like a sigh, and he has to fight against the shiver that wants to course through him. “I don’t deserve you, you know. Never have. But I’m glad you’re mine.”  
  
Keith raises an eyebrow, mostly to ward off the ache in his heart. He knows Shiro doesn’t mean it the way it sounds. “A little possessive there, aren’t you?”  
  
Shiro shifts until he’s staring at the ceiling again, but a small smile creeps onto his face. “Maybe a little. But only because it’s you. I’ve never been possessive over anyone else before.”  
  
“No one?” He doesn’t say their names, but Shiro’s only had two significant relationships. There are only two people he might be inspired to be possessive of.   
  
Shiro shakes his head. “I was secure in my relationship with Adam, I always knew where I stood with him. Even up to the very end, I knew where we were.” His voice is a little strained, and Keith almost regrets bringing it up. “With Curtis… I never needed to. He was never mine.”  
  
“Does that bother you?” Keith doesn’t know why he asks. Shiro has made it clear that he’s known for a long time that he and Curtis weren’t destined for a happily ever after.  
  
“I'm not angry with him, if that’s what you’re asking.” It’s not, but Keith imagines that Shiro needs to talk through this, even though he likes to act like he’s processed it already. “I never hated him for not being what I needed. I just didn't love him the way I thought I did, the way I should have.” He takes an unsteady breath. “Not like I love you.”  
  
Keith goes perfectly still; he doesn’t even blink. Shiro’s quiet, so quiet that Keith wonders if he’s holding his breath. “What.”  
  
“You had to know, Keith.”  
  
Carefully, Keith shifts until he’s staring at Shiro, who’s sitting up now and watching him. His face is neutral, and Keith doesn’t know what to make of the blank expression. “I didn’t. Shiro, how could I have known?”  
  
“I thought it was obvious. I've loved you for so long that I thought the whole world could see it in my eyes every time I looked at you.” He drops his gaze to his thighs, his mouth pressed into a thin line. “I kept waiting for you to ask me not to marry him. I wanted you to tell me we belonged together.”  
  
“Shiro.” He can’t control the shaking in his voice; the shock, the dismay, the _anger_. “I told you a thousand times! I never walked away from you, I fought for you, I crossed every universe for you. I literally told you I loved you!”  
  
Shiro’s shamefaced now, and Keith feels a mixture of sickness that he put that look on his face, and resentment that once again, it was expected that he would be the one to step up to the plate and be Shiro’s rescuer.   
  
“Why would you ever think I would do that, anyway? You're my best friend, and you actually seemed happy for once. If you think I'd willingly ruin your relationship for the sake of my own happiness, you don't know me as well as I thought you did.”  
  
He doesn't even wait for Shiro's response; there's nothing he could say right now that would make the situation any better. Shutting out the stricken expression Shiro gives him, Keith hauls himself up off the couch and heads for the guest room. He'd rather leave altogether, but he's had a lot of champagne, it's two in the morning, and home is a four-hour drive away. The best thing he can do right now is to put a barrier between Shiro and himself.  
  
Too bad he could never manage to do that between their hearts. Keith thinks they might both have been better off for it.  
  
\-----  
  
He comes out of his room the next morning with a slight headache, and still not sure if he should just forgive Shiro and move on with life, or stay angry. He's never truly been mad at Shiro before and it doesn't sit right with him. Of course there were times he was frustrated, upset, irritated, but mad? It's never happened.  
  
But Shiro has also never fucked up this badly before, either. He got _married_ to someone else while he was in love with Keith. He hurt a lot of people because he couldn't step up and be honest with them all.  
  
Keith coped for eight months with a heart that wasn't broken, because that implied it could be put back together. Instead, he'd had to heal every day from the millions of little razor blade cuts sliced into the bleeding core of it, every time he thought about what was forever lost to him.  
  
He wants to still be angry, but it hurts too much.  
  
Shiro's in the kitchen when he walks in, head in his hands. Keith wonders for a moment how bad the hangover is, but then vindictively decides however bad it is, he deserves it.  
  
“Good morning.” He slams the refrigerator door and then, for good measure, clangs his coffee mug on the ceramic tiled countertop. Shiro's shoulders flinch. Keith instantly feels bad, even though he’s irritated with himself for it.  
  
“If you can call it that,” Shiro mumbles. He lifts his head enough to peer over his fingertips with one wary eye. “I'm surprised you're speaking to me.”  
  
Keith doesn't look at him. “Just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I'm going to be an ass.” Except he already has been, but he ignores that fact. “You're still my best friend. Unfortunately,” he tacks on, voice desert-dry.  
  
Shiro gives him a wan smile and an attempt at a chuckle that sounds more like he's gargling rocks. “I really don't deserve you.”  
  
“Maybe, but I'm not going anywhere. I just might punish you for it for awhile.”  
  
“As long as you don't leave me, I'll take any punishment you think I deserve.” Shiro colors instantly, and Keith briefly wonders if he's just gotten a glimpse of Shiro's kinky side before pushing the thought away. Now is _really_ not the time. “And when I say don't leave me, I don't mean like--.”  
  
“I know,” Keith cuts in, stopping that sentence before it can dig the knife a little deeper. “You know I'll never leave you, but I can't forgive and forget right now.”  
  
Shiro's expression is bleak. “I know,” he echoes. “I'm sorry, Keith.”  
  
He steels himself against the pain this is going to cause them both. “It doesn't matter, Shiro. Sorry isn't going to fix this.” Shiro’s face flickers with pain before he shutters it away and goes blank. Keith’s shoulders are stiff, neck aching from the tension.  
  
They don't say anything as Keith goes through the motions of making them both breakfast. He slides a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast between Shiro's elbows, which are still propped on the table, holding up the weight of his head. Sitting down with his own plate, Keith stares into the bright yellow yolk running around the edges, at a loss for words. It's Shiro who breaks the silence.   
  
“Everybody has always thought that I’m the strong one, but you’re _my_ strength, Keith. Every time I failed, every time I was weak, you were there to save me and bring me back. You inspired me. I kept waiting for you to be the strong one and come to me, and I waited too long. I know it doesn't fix anything, but I _am_ sorry. I should have had the courage to go to you instead.”  
  
They’re doing this now, then. Not the time or the place he would have chosen, but maybe it’s better to rip the band-aid off and get it over with than let it fester for days, weeks, forever. Heaven knows they haven’t been the best about communicating the things that matter the most.  
  
“Yeah, you should have.” He can’t even muster up the anger he wasn’t quite ready to put aside earlier. He doesn’t know if he still wants to hang on to it, but it requires more energy than he has at the moment. “Putting that on me wasn't fair. You've always taken responsibility for everything, but the one thing that you needed to the most is the one thing you were a coward about.”  
  
The words are blunt, thrown at him harshly, and Shiro flinches. “You're right. I was a coward. You've always been the brave one when it comes to… us, and I was counting on you to be the brave one again.”  
  
“Why do I always _have_ to be the brave one, though?” It’s a pointed question, and Shiro, to his credit, doesn’t flinch away from it. “You’d never even given me a hint that you might possibly feel the same way I did. Why was I the one who had to throw caution to the wind, take the leap of faith, whatever cliche you want to throw out, and risk ruining not only your relationship, but our friendship? Why couldn’t _you_ be the one to tell me how you felt, for once?”  
  
“Because you kept calling me your brother! At the Marmora trials, at the cloning facility. You said you loved me, right after you said I was your brother. I had no way of knowing that you felt the same way, either!” Shiro snaps. Keith gives him an incredulous look, and he sighs, sinking back into his seat, the momentary flash of temper gone as quickly as it appeared.   
  
“I hoped. I saw the way you looked at me sometimes, the way you fought heaven and earth and everything in between to save me, time after time, and I hoped. It’s why I thought, if anything was going to happen, if anyone would make the move, it would be you. Because you never gave up on me. I told you I would never give up on you, but you’re the one who put the words into action. But you’d never actually said anything before the cloning facility, and I couldn’t trust that you meant those words the way I wanted you to.”  
  
They fall into silence, and Keith doesn’t know what to do with it. Silence has never been uncomfortable with Shiro, has always been easy, welcoming. They’ve never had a moment in their friendship where words were necessary to move past it.  
  
Now, perhaps, the words are more important than they’ve ever been.  
  
Keith takes a deep breath, steadying himself. “Do you know why I never said it before?” he demands, and Shiro shakes his head. “Because I wanted to. Every time I had to watch you walk away, when we were going off on some mission that could kill one or both of us, I wanted to say it. I had this almost desperate need to make sure you knew how much I loved you. I was never afraid of it, or of telling you. I wanted to say it, every time, every day.”  
  
Shiro's expression is more shattered than the words should warrant, but Keith understands that this isn't the way either of them had ever imagined him saying them. The way either of them dreamed of.  
  
“Why didn't you?” he asks, voice hollow, and Keith deflates.  
  
“I couldn't be like Adam. He used his love as a weapon against you. It was always that he loved you, so you _shouldn't_ go, because he might lose you. I never wanted you to hear the same words from me and think of the way he used them to try to hold you back.”  
  
Shiro looks shell-shocked, and Keith doesn’t know if it’s because he brought up Adam, or if that would even bother him anymore. There are a lot of things he doesn’t know about Shiro these days.  
  
“Keith. For years, you were the only one who encouraged me to follow my dreams.” His voice is wrecked, barely a whisper. “I could never have believed you’d use your love to manipulate me. I could never have believed you’d be like him.”  
  
Keith scrubs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, there was a time you wouldn’t have believed it of him, either. Things change. People change.”  
  
Shiro stares at him, a stubborn tilt to his chin. “Not you.” Keith gives him a disbelieving half-laugh; he’s changed almost more than anybody. “Not your devotion to me, anyway. Not the way you’ve always treated me. You’ve never once attempted to take away my autonomy. There were hints of it with Adam almost from the start.”   
  
“What about…” He trails off before he can say the name. Adam’s long past, so therefore a less sensitive topic. Not like--.  
  
“Curtis?” Shiro scoffs. “He never would have had the courage to challenge me like that.”   
  
The derision troubles Keith, and it reminds him of a question he’s never had the courage to ask. Right now, the answer is more important than he’d ever anticipated. “I need to know something.” Shiro looks at him expectantly, but Keith has to say this right. “If you loved me… If you love me. If you’ve always loved me. Why in the world did you say yes when Curtis asked you to marry him? Why did you go through with it when you already knew that if I said the word, you’d have walked away from him?”  
  
He doesn’t answer, but Keith doesn’t push. He understands he’s asking questions that Shiro has probably been wrestling with for a year. He also understands Shiro may not have ever come up with the answers. But he still has to ask.  
  
After wrestling for a moment with the words, Shiro finally speaks. “Because I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. And I’d already given up so much and had so much taken from me just to be able to pursue my dreams, and all during the fight for the universe. I needed something that was mine and mine alone. Something I got to keep.” His voice is low, raw, and Keith aches. He should have suspected Shiro would be feeling completely alone. He’d always hoped his presence helped keep that feeling at bay, but one person could never be enough. “I loved you, yes. I still love you. But if I couldn’t be with you, I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. Curtis was an opportunity, and I latched onto him, and I was afraid to let go without a safety net.”  
  
“I was your safety net?” Shiro nods, eyes full of guilt. “So because I didn’t come for you like a white knight, rather than save yourself, you married someone who didn’t know you half as well as he should.”  
  
He deflates a little, mouth quirking up ruefully. “To tell you the truth, I don’t think Curtis ever really knew me at all, beyond being the Captain. He never grew out of his hero worship phase.”  
  
“To be fair, neither have I,” Keith says, and he gives Shiro a tentative half-smile. Some of the tension seeps out of Shiro’s shoulders. Keith’s, too.   
  
Shiro leans forward, and he hesitates for a moment before finally dropping his hand over Keith’s where it lays flat on the table. “Maybe not, but you’ve always known who I am. There’s no one on this planet or any other who knows me half as well as you do. Besides.” He gives Keith a shy smile in return, and Keith watches in wonder as it blooms into something warm and beautiful. “I’ve never grown out of my hero worship phase with you, either.”  
  
Keith laughs, and it’s unexpected but welcome. He shoves at Shiro’s hand, a little playfully, and rolls his eyes. “You’re a sap.”  
  
Eyes sparkling, Shiro takes his hand again, and Keith doesn’t protest when he laces their fingers together. “Only because it’s you.”   
  
Which is true, now that Keith thinks about it. Shiro has never been known to be the emotional one in his relationships. He’s only ever been that way with Keith.   
  
Keith is perfectly fine with that.  
  
He tightens his fingers around Shiro’s, brings their joined hands up so he can skim his lips over Shiro’s knuckles. “You realize you’re not off the hook though, right?”  
  
Shiro eyes him warily. “What do you mean?”  
  
“First off, you owe me. You have to fix this total clusterfuck you’ve created. No more expecting me to do all the work for you.” That, at least, gets a nod of acceptance. Keith chews on his lip for a moment. “And you have to give it time. You literally just signed divorce papers yesterday, Shiro. Maybe the relationship was over for a long time before the divorce, but I’m not going to be your rebound.”  
  
Shiro tugs on their hands, bringing them closer so he can press a full kiss to where their fingers link. “You could never be the rebound, Keith. You were always my first choice, in every universe, in every reality. I just wish I’d had the courage to tell you that a long time ago.”  
  
“I do, too,” he replies honestly. “But you’ve told me now, and that’s what matters. Although,” he adds dryly, “maybe we can start working on your timing.”  
  
“So what you’re saying is I _shouldn’t_ ask you to marry me yet?” Shiro counters, tone deceptively mild, and Keith chokes.  
  
“Yeah, probably not just yet. Typically people let the ink dry on their divorce papers before they get engaged again.”  
  
Shiro smiles at him, a beautiful thing full of fire and love, and takes a bite of his now-cold eggs. “I can wait.”  
  
So can Keith. He’s waited what feels like a lifetime. He can wait for another, if that’s what it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to come yell with me over this beautiful space boys and how much they love each other, I'm on [Tumblr](https://acrosseveryuniverse.tumblr.com/%22) (my Sheith sideblog) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/cobrilee)! I'm also on [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/cobrilee), but I'm not active there yet. Thank you for reading!


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